The other day, I sat with the question, “Who is God to me?” That’s a big, big question. Where do you begin?
One of the rabbit trails I went down had to do with trusting God’s kindness. Do I trust that God is kind and gives good gifts? I know what Scripture says, but do I believe it? Do I live it?
At the risk of sounding like the privileged, American Gen-xer that I am, I’m going to be honest – I’ve realized that many of my experiences of giving and receiving gifts have been laden with disappointments. Yes, I appreciate being thought of when I receive a gift, but often it feels like, “Oh. They don’t know me after all.” Or, when I give a gift that I’ve labored over, I feel like, “Oh. After all of that, they don’t really like it as much as I’d hoped.”
While praying the other day, I realized that I’ve placed those disappointing experiences on God. I’m afraid that God will give me something and I’ll realize, “Oh. God doesn’t really like me or know me. This isn’t at all what I wanted.” Or, if I give my efforts to God, I’m afraid that God will think, “Meh. It’s not really what I wanted. Try again.”
Understanding that I’m placing my flawed human experiences on God is a helpful realization – it helps me to understand where some of my fears come from.
I can say to my heart with confidence that God is the perfect expression of love. God personally loves me and cares for me. God knows me better than I know myself. God knows what I need and want. God is trustworthy.