I Don’t Like This

The other day, I was down in the dumps. While I want to remain honest in my grief and discomfort, I try to stay positive and forward-thinking. On this particular day it hit me full force: I don’t like this unemployment piece. I don’t want this. It’s uncomfortable and scary and disorienting. “Make it stop, God! Fix it!”

A new friend helped me frame it a bit. As we chatted over lunch, I told her, “It’s kind of a new revelation to me – I. Don’t. Want. This. I don’t want to be unemployed. I do know that God is doing a deeper work in my life that I probably wouldn’t have had access to if I’d slipped into another job right away. But, this stinks.” She said, “Oh! You’re living the Saturday!” She went on to explain that she had been reading about the Paschal Mystery – Christ’s death and resurrection. On Friday, we observe Christ’s death. After Jesus died, Saturday was full of confusion, despair, uncertainty for the disciples. That’s where I am.

My friend suggested that part of the difficulty in living the Saturday is that there often aren’t definitions. I can’t stamp a job title or role on this season. There are questions and it’s messy, and there are no easy answers. Honestly? I hate that! You know what, though? I bet the disciples hated Saturday, too!

I’m finding some comfort in remembering that a death has taken place (the loss of my job, fulfillment in my work) and now I wait in the questions and pain… trusting that there will be a resurrection. That resurrection might not look like I’d hoped it would and it probably won’t come in my timing. And so, “we wait, we hope, we trust, we know His face we soon shall see.”

3 thoughts on “I Don’t Like This

  1. Sondra McCarty

    Lori…your honesty and transperancy are an inspiration and blessing to me. Doesn’t sound like much fun for you but I believe God is using your experience in a mighty way for others. I love the Saturday example. That is classic. My body is experiencing some real physical challenges in this season for me. It is quite annoying but I still feel the guidance of Jesus through it all. Thanks for sharing and being light in a mucky, dark world. Blessings and love. Sondra McCarty


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