Vulnerability

I’ve realized lately is that one of the hardest things for me about being vulnerable is the great likelihood that I’ll be misunderstood. That’s the truly icky part about the art of communication of any form – verbal, text, tweet, blog, video.

I’ve received a few messages from well-meaning people who have told me to “stop living in the past” and “just trust God”. Others have reprimanded me for my lack of faith. Sadly, I believe that these folks have missed the point of my blogs and may have misunderstood me.

In regards to my blog series, “Inside ‘The End’“, I want to say a few things for the sake of clarity…

  1. I hold no ill will toward Moody Radio. I’ve grown and learned so much at Moody. I’ve been given lots of opportunities and I’m so grateful. Toward the end of my employment, I had several good meetings with the VP of Moody Radio. I feel that I was treated well by him and by Moody Bible Institute. Moody Radio is a good, focused ministry. There are some really talented professionals who work there and I will miss them so, so much. I have no doubt that God will continue to use the radio ministry. I’m very sad to no longer work there and I left on good terms, blessing Moody Radio.
  2. The blogs that I write are my own personal observations and feelings during this transition. My hope is that others can relate to the observations – whether the reader is going through a job transition or another kind of grief/change.
  3. I’m not looking for sympathy or advice, nor do I want to drag this on forever. Grief is a process, though. It ebbs and flows. It’s a long process and it’s messy. I’m in a good place, presently, where I can calmly believe that God is working in my life – teaching me, comforting me, sustaining me. Ask me next week, and my answer might be different. This is what it is to be human – the ups and downs and mistakes and triumphs. I intend to be honest about that.
  4. For the past 5 years or so, even though I’ve felt great purpose, challenge, and satisfaction in my work, I’ve been restless and have told God, “If you want me to leave Moody Radio, You will need to remove me – I’m too afraid to go on my own.” So, when I was told that my job was ending, my first response was, “Well, God… that’s Your answer.” And I felt relief. My very next response was fear and sadness – but, I remember that first sense of knowing that God was directing me.
  5. I’m writing these blogs because, frankly, if I was a listener of Midday Connection I would be reading these, too. There’s not a secret motive or agenda for what I’m writing. Honestly? It’s just helpful for me to articulate my thoughts here and find that many of you resonate with those thoughts. Reading your notes that say, “Yes. Me, too” are so meaningful! I want to be honest here in hopes that others will also have the courage to be honest with the messiness of their own lives, too. I mean, come on – we’re all a mess. Let’s be messy together, it’s a lot more fun than faking that our lives are all tidy!

19 thoughts on “Vulnerability

  1. Pingback: Inside “The End”, Part 3 | Lori Neff

  2. Pingback: Inside “The End”, Part 2 | Lori Neff

  3. Pingback: Inside “The End”, Part 1 | Lori Neff

  4. Not everyone understand the deep processor…..we need to write and we pray that people who happen to peer in will gain some hope and encouragement. I love to share what I am learning, whether hard or happy! I get you, Lori!

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  5. Connie Kline

    I am sorry you have been attacked, but many feel the need to do that these days, and as with Job I am sure that stunted your grief processing. I completely resonate with your writings, and as a longtime listener of Midday it helps me process my own grief. I am also a woman who went back to college to get a degree thinking that ot would open doors for me, ha, not so as I am a 56 year old woman and jobs aren’t as plentiful. I have had my own grieving and bewilderment associated with where I find myself in life now. Please continue to share, since your journey also helps me on my own. I appreciate you.

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  6. I’m FLOORED that anyone would have anything negative to point out from what you have shared so far – I’ve been SO encouraged to read your past few blogs and see your very real and authentic feelings on the page! Lately I’ve been feeling like a complete royal mess, so yes, let’s all be messy together!

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  7. The hardest thing I’m learning about vulnerability is that it is not the same as transparency. I can be very transparent (completely open and honest) while still not making myself vulnerable. I haven’t figured out all the nuanced differences, but they are there – I am sure of it. I don’t mind being transparent. But vulnerable? Ooh, ouch. Not quite sure I’m ready. Recent books I’ve read that helped me identify these concepts are: Daring Greatly by Brene Brown and Reaching Out by Henri Nouwen. You might like those, if you haven’t read them already.

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    1. Sharon

      Wow, Sarah. I don’t know if I’ve ever thought about this in these terms, but you bring up a great point. I have often claimed that my life is an open book, and I realize now that it’s true in terms of transparency. But vulnerability has many layers. Thanks for giving me a lot to chew on!

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  8. Amy

    I so appreciate your authenticity. Life does not always end up with a pretty bow on top. We all have to wrestle with the unknown and it is scary. Thank you for giving words to your walk. Keep writing.

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  9. G

    “Your nest”…what a simple concept, yet I hadn’t personally thought a couch or chair being a nest, a safe place to be. I spent the last year on my nest as well, grieving the loss of my mom and changes in my life at the same time. I spent many a day just sitting, just like others have said that they did in response to grief. Only, I didn’t know that that was a normal way to react to loss…until I read your blog. Thank you for sharing, as I learned that what I did for the past year was a normal reaction, and was really ok to do for so long and not something to be embarrassed about.
    I only found out about Midday Connection during this time of my grief, and I so appreciated your shows and laughter. I feel cheated that just as I was looking forward to listening daily, now the plug has been pulled. Please continue to share and stay connected. We need to hear from you! I look forward to seeing what God has planned for your future (and I hope it includes us, your listeners!)

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  10. Julie

    Thanks, Lori, for sharing your heart! You are so articulate and I appreciate your sharing the good and the bad, the easy and the difficult, the happy and the sad parts of life and your life journey! I know for myself that although I have seen God’s hand during difficult and painful journeys in my own life, there is also an aspect of grieving the loss. You have shared it well and I know it is a great encouragement to others!

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  11. Pingback: Inside “The End”, Part 4 | Lori Neff

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