The Chair

chairThe chair. The *chair*! I couldn’t believe it when I saw the chair at my neighbor’s yard sale. Inviting, comfy, roomy. I knew that this would be *my* chair – an easy decision to spend $30. We quickly did some rearranging in our living room and carted in my chair.

I’d just found out the day before that my job was being eliminated. I was stunned. This chair was a little manna for the day – and coming days.

The summer of 2015 was rather rainy and hot in my area. I used that as an excuse to stay inside. Summers for me are usually full of walks, yard work, and outdoor projects. But this year, I had no heart for any of it. I sat in my chair. Just sat. I didn’t read, I didn’t pray, I didn’t really do anything. I sat. Stunned. Anxious. Sad. Depressed. Angry. I spent 80% of my days in that chair. Our cats would visit me, my guy would come and go, the sun would come and go. I sat. I watched a patch of sky above my neighbor’s house.

I met with my spiritual director and told her about my chair. I was surprised at how I just sat there. So unlike me. That’s all I could do. I was hunkering down, healing. My life was suddenly unpredictable and uncertain, but the world in my chair was known and safe. She asked, “While you’re sitting in your chair, do you have a sense of God with you?” I thought for a moment. I hadn’t felt an absence of God – I knew God was with me, even though I hadn’t prayed much more than, “Help” from time to time. Then, a word came to me: nest. My chair felt like a nest. And I clearly had a sense of God over me, like a protective Mother Hen. I felt safe, loved, accepted by God. No judgement, no shoulds. Just love.

I’m not sitting in my chair as much these days. A few weeks ago, I dragged a small wooden desk into our house that another neighbor was getting rid of… cleaned it up, put it in front of a sunny window, filled the drawers with papers and ideas, pens and folders. Deep breath. I’m ready to get to work. Ready to try to fly again.

33 thoughts on “The Chair

  1. Jenny McCormick

    this is beautiful! I am sorry for your loss; you have been amazing in your work. I’m glad that you allowed yourself to grieve in your nest. Love you.

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  2. Terry

    I love the picture of you just being in the present–a good reminder for me that whatever I’m feeling is okay. I also love that it was for a time. Healing is in the works. Thanks, Lori!!

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  3. Diane Sutton

    So sorry about Midday! I listened everyday while I sewed at my job. It was by far my favorite podcast! I’m frustrated…..no maybe a little angry at Moody! I hope your podcast is even better than Midday……..you show ’em!

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  4. annette

    Just sitting. In your chair. Just being. Contemplation. That is Praying.
    There is no doubt that the timing of that chair entering your life was a sacred thing.
    And I love the movement/growth toward a desk-space, yet still with the Chair ready for you.
    You are one of the healthiest people I know.
    God go with you on this journey, through this transition, into new adventure.

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    1. Ah yes… Honestly, I’m not sure if I’m ready for the desk yet, either! Some days I am… other days, I’m back in my chair. I’m trying to learn to give myself tons of grace and space to grieve. I’m gained a lot more empathy for those who have lost jobs.

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  5. Oh your chair!! Your nest….what a word picture! I pray as you walk this journey of healing and new beginnings you will learn more about our Heavenly Father, yourself and new closeness to your hubby. I too have had a “chair” experience..only mine was my bedroom floor, the bedroom had a low picture window that I could see out of right…it was amazing sitting not being able to “move” but yet seeing creation brought me comfort. My heart is with you.

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  6. Becky Nordby

    I have a lump in my throat reading this, but yet comforted knowing we are all loved by our Father….The journey that my husband, our daughter and myself are on has been difficult, yet finding the beauty in our brokenness. My husband lost his job Feb 6, 2013…still is not working. We have been through every emotion and numb at the same time. There are times I feel the only prayer I pray is to provide my husband with another position. When I see him broken and I know I can not fix him, it crushes me. So knowing God our Father is the only one who can hold us, heal our broken hearts and spirits it does give me peace. Allow Him to comfort you not only in your chair, but everywhere you go. God is with you wherever you go….Joshua 1:9

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  7. Judy Sharp

    I also have a chair that was my husbands favorite and where he spent his last days. It is my source of comfort to sit in that chair feeling God’s peace

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  8. Margaret

    You wrote this so well. From your heart in such a way that I think we could all relate to… Change is hard, grieving is a part but God is so good as He never fails us and is right there with us in “the chair.” I so appreciate what you wrote.

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  9. Well, this beautifully written piece brought tears to my eyes. I feel so bad for you and I so wish there was a way I could help. Lori, I know you don’t know me but I feel that I know you through Midday. I know that I’ve never met you and, living in Alaska, probably never will but you’ve made a difference in my life. Keep writing and remember Internet offers a wealth of possibilities to ply your craft.

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  10. Helen

    I can relate to this post so much. My job ended abruptly in June and there I was unsure of what to do next and a little in shock. I guess grief is a word I would use. Perhaps you can relate. Thanks for sharing and I’m so sorry about Midday. You all have been such a blessing to me.

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  11. Lori Ausili

    Lori Hi Lori here also. I love your post and want you to know I understand. In 1999 I lost my job to sickness. Which does not have a cure and causes pain always. I have a chair and someti es lately I have spent too much time in it. Doing the same thing just sitting. I have been this so much I think it a shock and depression I am in. I need to find a desk and put it by the window and sunshine. This gives me hope. I am sorry about not spending my lunch with you guys anymore. But I know God has plans for us all, and we need to trust and obey. It is hard to get moving again…. or moving at all with constant pain. But it has come to a point if I do not do it I will be no good to myself or God. I do have a job and need to keep going but it just seems so hard at times. We are lost all we knew and loved is gone or so we think. But I find peace that God will direct us both to new beginnings new ways to share new ways to overcome our suffering. And thank our God for sending his son to take away our sins by his sacrifice. Jesus endured more suffering than all of us will every know. Thank you for your teaching friendship and cooking book which I have had for years. Along with your friends. Thanks be to God who has made all this possible and we all will overcome and be stonger Christians because of our trials. Love you and your friends. God bless on your new adventures. Lori

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  12. Ana

    Hello Lori,
    I am sorry Midday Connection has ended, you girls used to be my lunch companions, not sure I would feel the same again. I have been there myself more than once due to downsizing or company’s closings, and totally identify with you in the feelings of sadness, anxiety and depression, not really understanding what would be my next move or even if I wanted to start all over again, but in time, I have come to experience God’s promise in Deuteronomy 31:6 – Be strong and of a good courage, fear not, nor be afraid of them: for the LORD thy God, he it is that doth go with thee; he will not fail thee, nor forsake thee. I have seen the paths HE has taken me to and I am happy where I am today and very grateful to belong to such a Loving Caring Father. Wish you the best in your new paths.
    Love
    Ana

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