Winter Blues

I used to love winter – the snow storms were exciting and it was an adventure to bundle up and go out in it.  I’m not loving it so much anymore.  I do appreciate the beauty of the snow and I like the ice that drips off of buildings… but, what I really don’t like is the darkness.  Thankfully today is a beautiful, sunny day and I have all of my windows open wide to capture as much of the sunshine as possible.  I am reading “My Antonia” by Willa Cather and this is what she wrote about winter….

“Winter comes down savagely over a little town on the prairie… the wind sprang up afresh, with a kind of bitter song, as if it said: ‘This is reality, whether you like it or not. All those frivolities of summer, the light and shadow, the living mask of green that trembled over everything, they were lies, and this is what was underneath. This is the truth.’  It was as if we were being punished for loving the loveliness of summer.”

That really struck me… it initially made me think of how people can look so beautiful (summer) on the outside, but be harsh and dead (winter) on the inside – their true reality.  Or even when people put on a brave face with others, but they are in the middle of a difficult winter in their soul.  I going to think about it some more…

Seeing things differently

For the majority of my life, I’ve felt like I was the odd person out – the clumsy, stuttering,  awkward person with odd ideas.  So, for most of my life, I’ve fought against that with all kinds of negative self-talk… to the point where I really, really didn’t like being with myself.  Recently, a lovely person who has become a sort of mentor to me has shown me that different is good – and beautiful.  Just because different isn’t nurtured in my current environment, doesn’t mean that it’s bad.  I’m starting to celebrate being different and being a woman.  I’m discovering that I didn’t even know who I was because I was fighting so hard against myself.  I’m on an adventure now – learning who I am and what I want and need.  I’m learning to listen more to what I’m feeling and what I’m drawn to – it’s telling me a lot about myself.  For starters, I’ve learned that I should speak up more, I like feminine things, I’m creative (not weird) and God delights in me.  I’m excited about what’s ahead…